Quite a few crows have been found on the side of the highway after being hit by trucks. When you find out why you'll die laughing.
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Tuesday, April 7, 2015
Friday, April 3, 2015
The title says it all
A LOT OF WISDOM HERE!
Subject: paraprosdokian
Paraprosdokian -- A paraprosdokian (from the Greek meaning 'beyond expectation') is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part.
* I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
* Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
* The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
* Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
* If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
* We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
* War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
* Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
* Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
* To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
* A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
* I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
* Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
* I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
* Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
* Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
* A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
* You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
* Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
* There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
* I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
* You're never too old to learn something stupid.
* To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
* Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
* Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
* A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
* Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
* I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
* When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
* If we are supposed to learn from our mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
Monday, March 30, 2015
Not always but some do tell the truth
Hope you never have need of the following.
ATTORNEY'S ADVICE - NO CHARGE
Not A Joke!! Even If you dislike attorneys..You will love them for these
tips.
Read this and make a copy for your files in case you need to refer to it
someday. Maybe we should all take some of his advice! A corporate attorney
sent the following out to the employees in his company:
1. Do not sign the back of your credit cards. Instead, put 'Second form
of ID required.'
2. When you are writing checks to pay on your credit card accounts, DO
NOT put the complete account number on the 'For' line. Instead, just put
the last four numbers. The credit card company knows the rest of the
number, and anyone who might be handling your check as it passes through
all the check processing channels won't have access to it.
3. Put your work phone # on your checks instead of your home phone. If you
have a PO Box use that instead of your home address. If you do not have
a PO Box, use your work address. Never have your SS# printed on your
checks. (DUH!) You can add it if it is necessary. But if you have It
printed, anyone can get it.
4. Place the contents of your wallet on a photocopy machine. Do both sides
of each license, credit card, etc.. You will know what you had in your
wallet and all of the account numbers and phone numbers to call and
cancel.. Keep the photocopy in a safe place.
I also carry a photocopy of my passport when I travel either here or
abroad. We've all heard horror stories about fraud that's committed on us
in stealing a Name, address, Social Security number, credit cards..
Unfortunately, I, an attorney, have first hand knowledge because my wallet
was stolen last month.. Within a week, the thieves ordered an expensive
monthly cell phone package, applied for a VISA credit card, had a credit
line approved to buy a Gateway computer, received a PIN number from DMV to
change my driving record information online, and more.
But here's some critical information to limit the damage in case this
happens to you or someone you know:
5. We have been told we should cancel our credit cardsimmediately. But
the key is having the toll free numbers and your card numbers handy so you
know whom to call. Keep those where you can find them.
6.. File a police report immediately in the jurisdiction where your
credit cards, etc., were stolen. This proves to credit providers you were
diligent, and this is a first step toward an investigation (if there ever
is one).
But here's what is perhaps most important of all: (I never even thought
to do this..)
7. Call the 3 national credit reporting organizations immediately to
place a fraud alert on your name and also call the Social Security fraud
line number.. I had never heard of doing that until advised by a bank that
called to tell me an application for credit was made over the Internet in
my name.
The alert means any company that checks your credit knows your information
was stolen, and they have to contact you by phone to authorize new
credit..
By the time I was advised to do this, almost two weeks after the theft,
all the damage had been done. There are records of all the credit checks
initiated by the thieves' purchases, none of which I knew about before
placing the alert. Since then, no additional damage has be en done, and
the thieves threw my wallet away this weekend (someone turned it in).. It
seems to have stopped them dead in their tracks..
Now, here are the numbers you always need to contact about your wallet, if
it has been stolen:
1.) Equifax: 1-800-525-6285
2.) Experian (formerly TRW): 1-888-397-3742
3.) Trans Union : 1-800-680 7289
4.) Social Security Administration (fraud line): 1-800-269-0271
Some Rules and things
The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules"
From the female side....
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
(FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1.. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem ONLY if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.
1. IF IT ITCHES, IT will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle..
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.... Really .
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football
or Hockey.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape.. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.
TO PONDER 1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 3. OK ..... So if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the 'Jags' and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the 'Bucs,' what does that make the Tennessee Titans? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 5. There are three religious truths: a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or Hooters. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people fromHolland called Holes? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 7. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~* 8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 9 Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist? * ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 10. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 11. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, dry cleaners depressed and prostitutes delayed? *~*~*~*~*~*! ~*~*~*~* 12. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 13. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 14. ! What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 15. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ... they're cramming for their final exam. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail? *~*~*~*~! *~*~*~*~ *~* 18. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 19. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive! *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 22. If a cow laughed, would she spew milk out of her nose? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 24. At income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells ... 'THEIRS'? |
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
The fun part was getting it hard
So far This weeks project
Seeing as I was always driving on the grass with my truck we decided to get rid of the grass and make a bigger driveway and the walkway
And I'm hoping that'll cut down on my grass mowing bill
Although we did leave an existing strip of grass eventually for plants and shrubs
Friday, March 20, 2015
$0.10 cents a cup (really)
I think I did the math
The next time you go in to you're a local gas station where there's only four of five brands
Think about the profit cost of the product of gasoline which is only five cents to the manufacturer in about five cents to the store never mind that the state take 39 cents of that gallon and the federal government takes between 6 cents and 7cents
Ago to think of the gases speculators trying to make a killing on all the gas commodity
There certainly in the wrong commodity business they need to be in the coffee bean commodity business The only place for them to go is up
Where my going with this
Well this morning I thought I was pretty slick after finding a parking spot for the big truck,,went into the Dunkin' Donuts coffee shop and ordered coffee cream and sugar put two dollars on the counter an to my surprise I was informed that is now $2.11 cents for an 14 ounces. Cup of coffee Okay so we made it a small coffee
So traveling to my delivery destination sipping my small coffee,,,,, I stewed about this for about three hours
And no,,no,, cars were run off the road due to my lack of high caffeine and pondering this delicate subject
So I came away with A revelation that there is no money in a gas station business
However C O F F E E yes
Seeing as how I don't drink Starbucks coffee, but I used to drink Dunkin' Donuts this is what I came up with I'm definitely in the very wrong business
For Dunkin' Donuts coffee
And for those watching my weight not one donuts were consumed. (Today)
At 128oz pr gal, that small cup 1.80$ 10oz + 12.8 cups. or 21.48 pr gal
Medium cup 199$ 14oz. + 9.1 cups or 17.91 pr gal
Large cup 2.25$ 20oz + 6.4 cups or 13.50 pr gal
And yes prices may vary at participating Dunkin' Donuts outlets
And no I didn't go into Starbucks to get their prices,, it would've been way too scary,
.sodahead.
Now if you really think you been taken in the shorts read the article about profit
Not all coffee beans are the same
Before the advent of specialty coffee chains, most people simply chose between regular or decaf. Starbucks changed coffee drinkers' expectations so that ordering a grande half-caf soy latte at 120 degrees is just another order. Green Mountain offers a variety of options as well through its single-serve portion packs. Dunkin' Donuts offers the fewest options of the three. The one thing all of the companies have in common is that they use high-quality arabica beans.
Arabica beans are typically grown at high altitudes and vary in taste depending on the geography in which they are grown; beans from Latin America differ in taste from beans grown in Africa which differ from beans grown in Indonesia. Most of Starbucks' signature blends are made with beans from farms in Indonesia and the Pacific Islands, where the beans typically have stronger, more earthy flavors. Dunkin' Donuts sources its coffee from Latin America, where the beans are sweeter, and Green Mountain sources from all three regions in roughly equal proportion.
Premium price for premium coffee
The strong and bitter beans that Starbucks uses are considered to be of higher quality than the milder beans used by Dunkin' Donuts. However, both companies charge high prices for their beverages. Industry experts say that an 80% mark-up for high-end brews is commonplace. For instance, a $7 cup of Starbucks ultra-premium coffee is rumored to cost the company only $1.30 to produce. The margin on lower-priced coffee may be even higher -- experts believe a $2 cup of coffee from Dunkin' Donuts may cost the company only $0.10 to produce.
With gross margins over 50% , it is clear that coffee is an extremely profitable product. Just last summer, Dunkin' Donuts chief financial officer said, "[W]e are a beverage company." For a company with 'Donuts' in its name, this is a particularly telling statement about the profits to be made in the coffee market.
Market segments
Starbucks, Dunkin' Donuts, and Green Mountain may compete in the same industry, but each targets a different segment of the coffee-drinking population. Starbucks' customer base is the most affluent of the three. The company roasts its high-quality Indonesian arabica beans into premium blends and offers a wide variety of modifications to its main menu; Starbucks boasts more than 87,000 drink combinations. It also offers an inviting atmosphere that encourages customers to linger; it offers a gourmet coffeehouse experience and therefore charges premium prices for its food and beverages.
Dunkin' Donuts, on the other hand, is more like the McDonald's of coffee. Its primary objective is to get customers in and out as quickly as possible. The coffee is milder than Starbucks' intense premium brews, and the atmosphere is an afterthought, but Dunkin' Donuts is positioned as the best option for undiscriminating coffee drinkers and hurried professionals who do not have time to wait for a gourmet brew to be made.
Friday, March 13, 2015
It,s only half void
Now I lay me down to sleep with a big void above the sink
what the hell was I thinking my mind must have been in the drink
Hell if not I think I'm going to start now
It took us just as long to clean up the kitchen as it did to take the cabinets down
It sure looked like Brown's snow in here
I know you thinking why not put a dropcloth down I'm not that smart,,
When I say it's time to rip I do it right then and there
Though I did move my coffee pot and toaster
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