> Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them > It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church. > If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets. > Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
> > DINING OUT
> If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
> Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs. > > > ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
> A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist. > Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.
> PERSONAL HYGIENE > While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys. > Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
> Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
> DATING (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY)
> Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date. > Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: 'I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the restroom wall two years ago.' > Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say 'Monday.' If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time. > Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, 'Ya' sure don't sweat much for a fat gal.'
> WEDDINGS > Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift > Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
> For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance..
> Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
> It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.
> DRIVING ETIQUETTE
> Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
> When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
> Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.4. > > When sending your wife/girlfriend down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
> Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving. > > Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession. > > TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER: > > All the DNA is the same.