The title says it all

A LOT OF WISDOM HERE!

Subject: paraprosdokian

Paraprosdokian -- A paraprosdokian (from the Greek meaning 'beyond expectation') is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part.

  
*  I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

*  Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

*  The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

*  Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

*  If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

*  We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

*  War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

*  Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

*  Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

*  To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

*  A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

*  I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

*  Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

*  I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

*  Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

*  Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

*  A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

*  You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

*  Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

*  There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

*  I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

*  You're never too old to learn something stupid.

*  To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

*  Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

*  Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

*  Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

*  A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.

*  Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.

*  I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

*  When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

*  If we are supposed to learn from our mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?